Roger Meets Orla the Mystical ET
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: A UFO crashes into the Smith home, creating family tension, a blossoming romance, a rivalry with Francine, and absoloute chaos...and maybe..just maybe, a girlfriend for Roger?


A dark and stormy night at the Smith home... So stormy this storm could storm a castle... More stormy than any storm you could ever fathom in all of stormdom...

The entire Smith family was asleep, except Roger. He was in the upstairs attic, dressed as a princess, while talking to his new parrot, Captain Greenback. "We're gonna go on tour next Tuesday and make lots of money aren't we Captain?" said Roger.

"No!" replied Captain Greenback. Roger looked annoyed. "No, what do you mean no? I re-wrote the lyrics to every Bruce Sprinsteen song and spent hours teaching you to sing them!" said Roger. He continued. "I'll be damned if I did all that for nothing, you mean you're backing out of the deal?"

"Squaw! Yes. Go find an eagle named Lady Kah Kah, not me!" said Greenback.

"Oh gee. This is too bad. It really is, I liked you for a while. I now have no choice but to kill you" said Roger, pulling out a knife. Roger began attempting to stab Greenback, but Greenback evaded each blow with nimble speed, ultimately flying out the window, leaving the house for good. Roger began to cry, then waved his fist out the window towards the sky, yelling and screaming, whilst proclaiming himself the king of music, and begging the parrot to come back. He heard a loud noise that sounded like a meteor crashing to the ground, and quickly darted to Steve's bed for refuge. Steve was asleep, dreaming about girls.

"Oh, Lisa Silvers, let it be true!" said Steve in his sleep, kissing Roger on the cheek.

"Oh my god oh my god, you've finally come around, I'm happy for ya Steve, well, if you know what I mean!" said Roger. Steveshrieked in his typical revolting high pitched Spongebobian tone, and woke from his sleep instantly. "What are you doing in here Roger? Besides I thought you finally decided you were straight" yelled Steve. "I am straight, Steve. Straight for my inner woman. We have a relationship, and I need to feed her and take care of her" said Roger.

"You just hurt my white male heterosexual brain" said Steve. "Yep. I have a way of doing that. NOW GET OUT STEVE, YOU DOUCHEBAG. EVERYBODY HATES YOU!" said Roger.

Steve screamed, and ran out of the room, waking up the entire Smith family. Another crashing sound was heard as well. Stan immediately grabbed his gun and headed for the front door with Francine in tow. Yes folks, he was actually carrying Francine. Haylee, surprisingly was still sound asleep in her room, with headphones on, listening to Gallows songs. Yes, that's the honest to god truth, as hard to believe as it sounds. She was sleeping, while listening to Gallows. Meanwhile, Roger was running back and forth in the attic, debating in his mind whether to write a suicide note using paper from his custom made Hello Kitty Suicide kit.

"Oh my god oh my god. It's the end. We're all gonna fry we're all gonna fry, the Mayans were right, holy shit Batman!" yelled

Roger. Roger panicked and rushed outside screaming, where Stan and Francine were attempting to find the source of the crashing sounds.

"ROGER!" yelled Stan. "Were you blowing up electric trains again?" asked Stan. "No," replied Roger. "What makes you say that?" he inquired. "I heard crashing noises," said Stan. "Coming from upstairs" he added. "Oh, that's right I was just playing Modern Warfare 2 on my computer. Oh shit, wait, I don't have a computer and I hate video

games, plus I'm straight now, never mind" said Roger. Then Stan and Francine began simultaneously screaming and pointing at the part of their house that was the attic. A giant UFO had crashed through the roof above the room.

"I'm calling my superiors on this one," said Stan. "We just can't have any more aliens living here" "Don't forget to call someone to fix our roof afterwards" said Francine. "The roof can wait. Seriously Francine, they're very patient, how the hell do you think they put up with Santa's reindeer?" said

Stan. Stan bolted back into the house, carrying Francine with him. Just then, Roger remembered he had an Indiana Jones lasso, with which he used to latch on to the UFO, yanking it out of the Smith home and onto the ground. It was now only seconds beforeit would ultimately burst into flames, but Roger, though being a quasi homicidal sociopath, also had a caring heart within him. He knew there had to be a surviver in there somewhere. Roger risked his life and rushed into the ship. There, in the control room, he saw a gorgeous fainted blonde green lady lying on the floor, dressed in a Tron-esque/Star Trekish outfit. She was every alien mans dream come true. Roger began thinking. "Woah, ok woah, she is one tantalizing time traveler with titties. She makes Francine look like a two dollar whore" thought

Roger.

"Oh my god, what am I thinking? I mean she's probably dead, what am I a necrophile? Then again, what if she isn't

dead?" he thought.

Roger's eyes widened, and he just stood there. Can't you just totally see this happening in an episode?

Seconds later...

"I'D BETTER GET THIS BITCH SOME WATER SO SHE WON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS!" yelled Roger, rushing into the

Smith home, and pouring some Miller Lite into a pitcher. Then his rational mind started knocking on the door of his sick twisted ideas. "That ship was lighting up," he thought. "Beeping loudly! It's about to blow its top like Stan when Francine won't let him go to My Morning Jacket concerts!" he thought again. "I'M COMIN' FOR YA BABE!" said Roger, rushing out the door with his pitcher full of booze. He got there in the nick of time,yanking the fainted female body out of the ship. After he had done so, the ship exploded into a million pieces. Roger began filling the occupant's mouth with booze, and slapping her face, which woke her up. As Roger looked into her deep dark blue-ish black sparkling eyes, he began to fall under a spell.

"Well, hello there baby. You still have your lenses don't you? What's your name?" asked Roger. The green alien woman spoke, though she was a bit tipsy from the alcohol, and disoriented from the wreck.

"I...I'm Orla!" said Orla. "Orla? I like it. I like it a lot!" said Roger. Orla giggled. "Yes, Orla. Orla the Mystical" said Orla. "Even better. Even better! I have GOT to show you my attic" said Roger. Then he looked up at the Smith home. Orla giggled again.

"You HAD an attic, huh?" said Orla.  
"Yeah, sorta" said Roger. "Ooh, what an interesting ring you have" he added.  
"It's my magic space-time travel ring that only those with pure hearts can use" said Orla.  
"So, if your name was Whorela the Sensual you couldn't use it?" asked Roger. Orla rolled her eyes, but laughed. Then she whispered in Roger's ear.

"Ya know, I did take on the form of an earth prostitute once, after I escaped from Area 51 in Nevada" said Orla.  
"Oh my...god!" said Roger.

Later...

"Don't call the CIA! How can you be so insensitive?" Haylee told Stan. "Haylee, I have to do it!" said Stan. Then Roger brought Orla into the house. "I've got a new friend, wanna meet her? Her name is Orla, Orla the Mystical!" said Roger. Stan stared in awe as if under mind

control. "Oh my god, she's...she's so enchanting...so...not Francine...so...interesting!" said Stan. Francine thwacked Stan with a frying pan. But then she too became enamoured by Orla's vibes. "You are just a little cutie aren't you?" said Francine, extending her arms to hug Orla. Haylee noticed that Orla was wearing a

headband with a magic diamond in the center. "Wanna come see my room?" asked Haylee. "Sure!" said Orla.

Hours later...

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I actually liked her. That green lady...there's something about her that just takes you to another dimension" said Stan. "Oh I can definately believe you liked her Stan. But I can't believe I did! Now that she's gone I just want to...beat her at table tennis or something!" said Francine. "Me too. I'd better go make sure she's not doing anything funny with my daughter!" said Stan. Stan walked into Haylee's room. "HOLY SHIT...they're BOTH hippies...and besides, SHE'S MINE!" said Stan. "DAD, STOP!" yelled Haylee, as Stan grabbed Orla, who was drunk and could not stop giggling. Stan took Orla into the livingroom, and began browsing the Wii Shopping Channel with her, looking for games to play.

"Just tell me which one you want, pumpkin!" said Stan.

"Aww, are you my Earth daddy?" asked Orla. Haylee was stunned.

"That's...what...we used to do...!" said Haylee, sobbing.

To be continued...

And now, in honor of Roger's "inner woman" whom is apparently bisexual:

Where you go I go, what you see I see,

I know I'd never be me, without the security, of your loving arms, keeping me from harm. -Adele, Skyfall


End file.
